Five things I wish I had heard in the first weeks of motherhood
Three and a half months in, my baby is asleep. The kettle has gone cold. The laundry is two days behind. From this small moment of sitting down, I can almost see the early weeks clearly. Almost.
If I could go back and say five things to myself in those first weeks, this is what they would be. They are also the things I find myself saying to other first-time mothers, often in their own kitchens, often at hours I would not normally be working.
You are learning far more than you realise
The first months are intense. You have so much to learn, and at the same time your baby is so small and so vulnerable. As the weeks go on, your hands get steadier. You learn to read their cues. You change a nappy without thinking about it. None of this happens in a straight line. Tough days come back. But the trend is upward, even when it does not feel that way.
Your baby is also doing their own quiet learning. They get easier to hold. They drink more efficiently. They begin to expect the world a little more. Most babies do not sleep through the night in the first three months, but the bad nights tend to feel less frightening as you start to know what they mean.
It is normal to feel overwhelmed
Postpartum depression is talked about more openly now, and that is a good thing. But you do not have to be depressed to feel like everything is too much. You are going through one of the biggest changes of your life, on the worst sleep of your life, with hormones still rearranging the furniture. This period is intense for every woman. You are not supposed to feel only joy.
You cannot compare your experience to other mothers
The level of help women get is wildly uneven. Some have family living next door. Some can afford a night nurse or meal deliveries. Many online accounts make their lives look easier than they are, because that is the point of online accounts. And babies arrive with their own temperaments. Some sleep peacefully in the car. Others scream the whole way home.
One mother's experience is never the same as another's, and your timeline is not late just because someone else's looks tidier.
It is okay to say no to social events
The first months take all of your energy, and your main focus is your baby. Keeping the house somewhat clean and getting a meal together can be enough for one day. It is fine to skip birthdays and parties this year. People who have been through it will understand. People who have not will eventually catch up. You do not owe anyone a postpartum where you are also fully available.
Give yourself time. A lot of time.
You will rarely finish your to-do list. Everything takes longer now, because you are responsible for a tiny human who needs you within arm's reach. Give your brain time to come back online. Give your body time before exercise. Give yourself time before returning to the things you used to love. The world is moving at full speed. You do not have to match it.
Working with this further
At three and a half months postpartum, things have already softened. I have learned a lot. My baby is sleeping a little more. I am slowly putting some of myself back into my days. I am also still adjusting, still waking up every night, still in it.
If you are struggling in the way new mothers often struggle, you are very welcome at our practice. You can bring your baby with you and hold them, feed them, or settle them during the session. Online sessions are also available, which often work better in the first months when finding a free hour is harder than it sounds. Elise sees new mothers at our Leuven practice and online, and you can book a first session here or read more about her to see if she might be the right fit.
A first session is a conversation, not a commitment.
